folded, and unfolded, and unfolding
by qaby
Summary: Ben-centric, Ben/Adrian. Takes place during 3x02. There's only so much the music can shield before the same word that's been reverberating through his head for the past twenty-four hours echoes in his mind once more.  abortionabortionabortion


He refrains from slamming the door behind him as he enters his room, clenching his fist and punching the wall, immediately cursing as pain shoots up his right arm. Ben rubs his thumb gently over his quickly-swelling knuckles before he breathes a sigh, laying his head against the wall in resigned anger.

(_abortionabortionabortion_)

His jaw tenses.

He feels a vibration in his pocket and digs his phone out.

_Amy._

_Ignore._

He hesitates for a moment, debating whether or not to return her call, before shaking her head and throwing the cellular device on his bed. He _can't _talk to her, not with the knowledge that another girl is pregnant with _his _baby. Even though he stayed supportive of Amy when she was having Ricky's baby, he doesn't think she'd take it so well when she finds out that Adrian is carrying his spawn in her womb - call him crazy.

(_liarliarliar_)

He grips his chin between his thumb and forefinger and paces.

Just paces.

The calming pattern of walking back and forth in his room is calming him some, serving as a sort of distraction from his situation - a dance he has to memorize and perfect.

(_back, forth. back, forth. back, forth._)

It takes up enough space in his mind that his body is no longer shaking and his throat doesn't feel so dry.

(_back, forth. back, forth. back, forth._)

He hears another vibration and stops short, then blinks continuously for a moment. Just like that, the dance is broken and all his problems are unleashed, an unwelcome throb encircling his head as his dilemma splays out before his eyes; his hand trembles as he picks up his phone to read the illuminated screen and he wants water.

_Amy._

_Ignore._

He closes his eyes and breathes deeply.

(_inhale. exhale._)

He picks up his iPod from his nightstand and places the headphones in his ears, turning up the volume to tone out reality as he lays down on his bed. There's only so much the music can shield before the same word that's been reverberating through his head for the past twenty-four hours echoes in his mind once more.

(_abortionabortionabortion_)

He huffs out in frustration as he sits up and crosses his arms above his knees. He scowls at the scenery outside - sunny, blue, and perfect. He wonders why a thunderstorm isn't occurring instead. It would go with his mood fittingly.

Ben believes that there isn't a good side to _anything _having to do with Adrian's pregnancy.

He wants her to keep it - he imagines raising a child with her eyes and his hair and he's continuously found himself staring at Ricky with envy, because his biggest wish always was to be a father (_be careful what you wish for_). He wants her to get rid of it - they could go back to normal; he'd be able to stay with Amy, and she'd be able to continue living her life as she wished. More than anything, he wants to pull a Michael J. Fox and go back in time to the night he lost his virginity to Adrian. He wants to look her in the eyes and tell her _"No."_

Anything so that he can go back to having Amy, and thus, being happy.

(_selfishselfishselfish_)

He slaps himself on the forehead and his eyes prick with the threat of tears.

He knows that he needs to let her know that he's there for her, that he'll support her no matter what - because it's _true_.

(_Right?_)

He finds that he doesn't fully comprehend the dire consequences of their actions, of all the things that they'll lose - he'll lose Amy, she'll lose Ricky, and he's not really sure whether he's willing to give up who he _thinks _to be the love of his life to a _mistake_, and he's seriously considering encouraging her to go through with it, when he shakes his head to clear it.

He flips his phone open and scrolls down his contacts list until he spots Adrian's name, and his thumb ghosts over the green button before he groans and flips it shut.

(_cowardcowardcoward_)

He thinks about Ricky's words.

_"You go along with whatever Adrian decides to do."_

Ben doesn't think he can support her one-hundred percent if she's going through with the abortion. Whatever she does, it won't erase what happened - not really. Even if she terminates the pregnancy, they'll always be left with a ghost of a reminder that they _created _a child.

Ben and Adrian. Adrian and Ben.

(_it'd be funny. except it's not. whatsoever._)

His heart plummets to the pit of his stomach when he realizes that Ricky was right.

Adrian needs to do what's best for _her_.

Whether he agrees with her methods of 'taking care of it' isn't relevant.

His hand is steady as it reaches for his phone.

_This is Adrian Lee. Leave a message._

(_inhale. exhale.)_

"I'm not going anywhere."

...

Her lips _almost _quirk when she hears the promise lacing those four words.

* * *

**Reviews are love.**

**A/N: **My own version of Ben's promise to Adrian - he might've been a little OOC, but I think that even Ben would have a lot of pent-up rage that he'd want to release, so yeah. I've decided that Ben/Adrian is now officially my OTP for Secret Life - their genius and awkward compatibility amazes me. Title comes from the song "Colorblind" by Counting Crows.


End file.
